A Billionaire's Perfectly Reasonable New Year's Resolutions

... and a box of exceptional chocolate truffles | A short story

Photo by blackieshoot on Unsplash

There are billionaires, and then there's Prometheus Prink. While regular billionaires counted their money, he counted the ways his social media platform Woopsielon had irreversibly warped humanity's dopamine receptors. His algorithms didn't just predict behavior—they orchestrated it, turning scrolling into an Olympic sport.

Picture a man who made Mark Zuckerberg look like a lemonade stand operator, and you're still not thinking big enough. Prometheus had everything: a mansion so large it had its own weather system, a collection of NFTs that cost more than the combined GDPs of several small nations (which he was also considering buying), and a carefully transplanted hairline that somehow managed to appear both natural and aggressively expensive—a follicular flex that cost more than most people's homes. Yet, as New Year's Day dawned, he sat alone in his meditation pod, staring at a fresh list of resolutions and wondering why owning the world's attention s…